Musics to Ride yer Bike By….
Poof to flowers. Happy Friday y’all. -/sk/
Ovarian Psycos: Ovaries so big we don’t need no balls!
The Ovarian Psyscos are not cyclocross racers. They aren’t even racers. And they sure as hell aren’t racists. They’re fucking up your basic, normal, unquestioning bullshit, regular-ass notions of where … Continue reading
“Team Fuck-You-Dove” and Other Musings
A Response to the Dove Beauty Ad. Here’s the original, and I agree. This ad is total bullshit. I am beautiful always and I don’t fucking need anyone to tell … Continue reading
Men in jorts. Yes. Forever, yes.
So, maybe some of you fellas out there are thinking: Jorts are hella rad, and the jorts ladies are hella radder, but can guys wear jorts too? And the answer, from … Continue reading
Jortz is FAMOUS.
Oh we’ve just been featured in a little something called the OAKLAND TRIBUNE/SAN JOSE MERCURY NEWS/CONTRA COSTA TIMES. Yeah it’s our local paper conglomeration but hey!, it’s awesome and hopefully … Continue reading
Royalties – Ready to Git Rich!!
Contra Costa County hilariously used a picture of yours truly in their Bike to Work Day flyer! I’m ready to git rich!! Grease your Gears…Bike To Work Day 2013 is … Continue reading
Our Bodies, our selves. Our Jortz, our friends?
Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties.Ass and titties. Ass … Continue reading
Naked, Muddy, Ladies!
There’s a group of ladies way out in Colorado. They are Naked Women’s Racing. Ha-wha?! HELL to the YES! A women’s racing megateam started by three ladies who wanted more … Continue reading
Rapha Womens Prestige 2013.
Yesterday, I realized that I can bonk at 60 miles in then continue riding 63 more miles at a total of near 13,000 feet of climbing. Looks like this: It … Continue reading
Obligatory I’m Gonna Brag SoOoOo Much Blog
Earlier this year, you may have seen, I scored a few goodies…but this weekend, I got pure Gould. I was offered the lucky volunteer position of serving as a trail … Continue reading
International Jortz!
Dear Reader. It has come to my attention that you might be reading from a very, very far off land and are quite taken by the antics of a small … Continue reading
Get bikes on BART!!!
Have you filled out your survey?? Check it! S Y B
Jortz Tumblin
If you don’t follow this tumblr account, you are a foolassfaker and need to get your life straight. Respek. http://jortz.tumblr.com/
Cross Season! Cross Season! Where art thou, Cross Season?
The cross season seems like lightyears away with September but a mere twinkle in the sky. However, the weather is finally taking a turn for the awesome and we begin … Continue reading
Our Shredding Day, the Happiest Day of our Lives
Team Jortz, along with some likeminded ladies and a boyfren’ worth stealin’, headed down to Santa Cruz for our very own Shredding Day. We got a serious concentration of elevation … Continue reading
MILF, or How Jortz just got more badass. A Love Story.
Dear Reader, Let this fourteenth of February mark the day that Romany McNamara, aka MILF. Joined the Jortz Squad and vowed to pull up cut-offs over her spandex in … Continue reading
How to Get a Belgian National Team Jersey, In Three Simple Steps. Illustrated Version.
So, as you may or may not be aware, the Cyclocross World Championships were this weekend, in Kentucky. Also, as you may or may not know, but now do, the … Continue reading
“I been wearing…
“I been wearing jortz on the regular now fyi btw it’s cold as fuck here jortz keep my dong from going numb without the restrictiveness that comes with thermal tights … Continue reading
Team Jortz in the Media!
EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Team Jortz, profiled by Moustache Max Hunter for the East Bay Bike Coalition‘s February newsletter! http://tinyurl.com/asuotsm We are super flattered and so excited to … Continue reading
Mejico like Whoa. Part Primero
As you may have heard. I went to Mejico for some much needed R&R from all the hard ass shit I have to deal with in my life like….making sure … Continue reading
Beyonce told me I run the world…
Also, juicybootyreadyforthisjelly. What up 2001!? Of course before it was Beyonce, it was Destiny’s Child where Beyonce’s mom always made the best costume for her. This could really go … Continue reading
Cyclocross Whirled up Frenzy!
Some Jortz n’frens are either just stepping off onto the tarmac or are about to. Where have they been? Why Worlds of course! Ken-tuckin-fucky! Or something like that. I know … Continue reading
Winter denim action
That’s what woulda been the jam this past weekend…some wooly jortz to wear on top of wooly full length shammys, or maybe a snuggy, just saying. Alas, the women of … Continue reading
Happy Holidays
From all of us at Jorts Material, happy holidays. S Y B
Counting down to the new year
We have 12 days left to the new year and here is the top 12 search terms leading to yours truly: 12. Eat Sleep Biathlon – Not sure who this … Continue reading
Holy Crap Hans Rules!
I don’t think it’s a secret that Team Jortz totally digs Hans Kellner, and his wonderful videos, but this one takes the cake. This past Sunday at the BASP #5, … Continue reading
Jortz Makin’ Things JORTER
The last of the BASP races was today. Did you see the Jortz on the podium? Did you? Did you? Or perhaps there was beer, cookie, dollars and/or potatoes stealin’ … Continue reading
East Bay Bombshell / San Francisco Shanghai
The first Bombshell of a six race omnium culminating in a a final race in September, the San Francisco Shanghai.What’s a Bombshell?An explosion of female riders taking their rightful place … Continue reading
GHETO
That’s right. Go Hard Every Time Out. It’s a little group that rules in a big way from Sacramento. One of there reps, who goes by Shiny, approached us Jortz ladies … Continue reading
Soil Saloon. POW! POW! and Disco-Candle-Stick
2012 Soil Saloon Chuey Benefit from Hans Kellner on Vimeo. Whoa jortzfans. I just had a moment of caring too much about the wrong thing. Now check out some awesome … Continue reading
Awww Shucks
Well thanks Dear Reader, apparently you think I’m famous! Who can blame you really when I do have a lake in Australia named after me…Lake Sambell!!!!! So, I’m calling it … Continue reading
Tis the season…
Every year Sheila Moon Athletic Apparel puts on a killer holiday party and bazaar, which is usually filled with beer, snacks and killer deals on some seriously sweet cycling clothing. … Continue reading
For the awesome nerd in your life…
I know I’m not the only one who has skipped around the house banging coconuts together. What can I say, I’m just a girl who loves me some Monty Python. … Continue reading
$ in yo’ jants this Sunday…
We were frickin stoked to see the half nudie bib dolla hand-up captured last weekend at the mud infested Cross Crusade in Portlandia. Yeah yeah to carefully tucking a George … Continue reading
Feast your eyes on this:
It’s Decorative Gourd Season Motherfuckers Butterball Help Line Help Line The Onion’s Guide to Hosting the Perfect Thanksgiving And the classic, Sarah Palin Pardons a Turkey (graphic) In the words … Continue reading
This article is dope
Retweeting from the Onion from back in 2010: Lance Armstrong Wants To Tell Nation Something But Nation Has To Promise Not To Get Mad DALLAS—Saying that it would probably … Continue reading
More CX Hairs Goodness
Another winner from CX Hairs cycling. They certainly seem like jorts material to me. If you haven’t checked out their amazing shirts, well then here ya go! Amazing HOTNESS -Bangable
So I’ve been feelin’ kind of slow lately
So I’ve been feelin’ kind of slow lately….riding obviously, my heckling has been extremely quick witted and top notch as usual. Anyway, to try to up my mental game I … Continue reading
Autographic content
Thanks for the desk love Brady Kappius - My desk has been inked by Team Clif Bar (#6 on the BDIPC of 2011 CX)!
To the Naysayers
Hand ups are not a crime! <p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/53718525″>What If …</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/cxhairs”>In The Crosshairs</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p> Thanks CX Hairs Bangable
Shake it gurl!
Super giant burfday love goes out to our own Money Maker. Make sure you give her an epic high five next time you see her, or better yet booty dollar … Continue reading
What do Jortsers wear on their off days?
We don’t race all the time, but we are committed to looking out best and rocking a pair of jorts even if they are on our feet. You can buy … Continue reading
But Mummy, I WANT A GOLDEN GATE!
I don’t care how! I want it NOW! We are all collectively bummed by the breaking news that BASP #4 will not be held in Golden Gate Park this year, … Continue reading
#HeckleJortz
It’s the night race tonight. Bring your flask or at least half-a-duz metal fizz barrels roped together with plastic string. We race at 6, heckle right after. S Y B
Flaming Bike Blog
- The Bikemommas of CycloFemme May 14, 2013The fearsome, awestriking part of bikemomma is that she expects to eat shit, get up, and try again. She expects her flock -- her kids and her community -- to do the same. Continue reading »Ginger Jui
- Bikewhacking Across California May 6, 2013Cycling north from Southern California back to the Bay Area, I couldn't make up my mind. Dirt or road? Continue reading »Ginger Jui
- Monroe Truck Trail: Riding Singletrack On Home Turf April 13, 2013Within days of coming home, I was dreaming of dirt. Of shredding familiar canyons, portaging the streams and picking poison oak out of my butt. I unloaded my bike, put in a load of laundry, and headed for the hills. Continue reading »Ginger Jui
