Race Weekend Warriors

Team Jortz came out in full force over the weekend and absolutely manhandled the podiums all over California. End of story….

Okay. Not the end.

DAY ONE. Me and Stealin Yer Boyfrens hitched a ride with honorary Jortz member, MILF and JOrtz supporter Pince-nez, out to Vallejo for Murphy Mack’s Lion of Fairfax. MM likes to make races that are really, super hard and cause you to wish you’d never taken the time to get up and drive all the way out to muthafuckin Vallejo. But then the race ends and your teammate gets third place while you come in with a dusty DFL and the world is right again. After you puke of course.

Stealin Yer Boyfrens pulls a cool Third Place, like a bossyface.

The course was actually a ton of fun, two run ups–one which was really a ride up/hobble up depending on which way was faster for you. Next up, some real grass switchbacks….

Real grass and mud! I was actually trying to take a picture of racer. Failed.

….sweet single-track through some tree branches and then a couple barriers — cause what’s a cross race with out barriers?! Murphy had a beer and burrito postrace special goin on, so we chilled, ate some food and heckled the shit out of all the men who were racing after us. We decided the best group to heckle would have to be Men’s B’s because they actually go slow enough to really hear what you’re saying to them. But most of all, and I love this, they say “thanks for the support.” As in, “thanks for the support when you were telling me my grandma rode a faster warm up lap or that you had a prom date who was faster than me. It really made me laugh and increased my overall enjoyment by helping me focus less on the pain and ride my bike that much faster.” Or atleast, that’s what I hope is meant when they say, “thanks for the heckles.”

Toby Schultz, who’s really a moustache in superpro clothing, LOVED our heckle/hand-up combo!

Toby called us babes after he shredded his way through the Lion o’ Vallejo.

And Jortz Fanboy Yarra shows how to really enjoy a postrace burrito.

Yarrito gets nasty with his burrito!

Thanks for the fun day Murphy Mack, if that even is your real name….

So dear readers, I’ll leave you with this:

“Who wore it best: Mash or Mikes bikes?”

Stay tuned for the second installment of Race Weekend Warriors: BASP #2 or How I battled May Woo-Woo at Candlestick! And help us decide, “Before or After?”

Over, out and always sometimes classy.


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