PSA: Jortz are not a safeguard against Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Jorts protection

But they will keep thievin ass fools from stealing your bicycle. I happened upon this excellent example of jortz protection when I stopped into Berkeley Bowl West (OF COURSE!!) for some snaxx. I shoulda remembered that later when I skipped Jortz Practice to do my laundry and work on some necessary things that are important to me.

BIG MISTAKE.

Because….

Some amazingly terrible asshole STOLE MY MOTHERFUCKING BRAS from the dryer at the corner laundromat!!!!!!!

I’ll say it again.

My bras were stolen! Out of the dryer! Against my will! I immediately questioned the only other person in the ‘mat. I asked her frantically, as if looking for my lost pet or kid or wallet (got everyone covered? can you all relate?), “Hey did you see any bras around here?!” She looked at me like the crazy bitch I was, asking about random bras just lying around the laundromat! Then I made some PSA’s and posted them. The lady was still there. She thought I was even crazier.

BRA/PSA Barry McGee

GAH! Shoulda had a pair of jortz covering my bras in the dryer. Then they for sure wouldn’t have been filched!

Fuck you bra-thief. If I ever find you, I will face-punch you. If anyone finds my bras, please contact me, ASAP. You will be rewarded handsomely: http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/wan/3376239213.html

Lessons learned? NEVER MISS JORTZ PRACTICE.

-Not so klassy right now.

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5 responses to “PSA: Jortz are not a safeguard against Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

  1. Holy wow. While I’m not in the Bay, I do have scores of thuggish friends there. I’m sure one of them would come to your rescue by providing said thief with face punches. You didn’t give descriptions though, other than the 3 clasps, should I just tell the minions to face punch every man they see with a bra? Also, I’m sorry for your loss.

  2. Pingback: Counting down to the new year « jortsmaterial·

  3. Jortz _are_ an excellent protection from sexually transmitted diseases. And pregnancy. But, like prophylactics, you have to wear them to be effective.

JORTZ! JORTZ! JORTZ!

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