Free at Last! Free at Last! Thank God almighty…

…my balls are free at last.

By Amy Sheridan via her Tumblr site: http://supervelma.tumblr.com/

By Amy Sheridan via her Tumblr site: http://supervelma.tumblr.com/

Thanks Stevil, for finding this gem and posting it on your inimitable blog, it shall now spread from person to person via the internet faster than the Rim Fire. How was the USA Pro Challenge? Did you throw cronuts at the racers? Will there be cronuts at your party? I digress.

Remember forever, dear readers, that Jortz equals freedom. Feeling stifled by your overbearing partner or has your unworthy partner cheated on you, left you, beaten you or maybe done all three? Wear jortz. Have mountains of debt to your name that your kids, siblings or parents could inherit should you expire? Wear jortz. Are you caught in the downward spiral of depression and self-loathing made worse by mood altering prescription pills? Wear jortz. Have you lost your job and can’t begin to fathom what you will now do. Most definitely wear jortz.

What’s that? You calll ME callous for suggesting jortz as a life remedy!?

While it may seem callous to encourage people to wear jortz in an attempt to remedy real and serious problems, isn’t it callous to encourage the indebted to keep working and sending money away to whatever amoral corporation (OR GOVERNMENT) owns the debt that grows ever larger and eclipses even it’s own initial magnitude? Isn’t it callous to feed the depressed, self-loathing pills that make them sadder and feel more alienated then tell them thy have an incurable mental illness and continuously vote against government funding for accessible public heatlh? Is it not callous to vacuously pet your friend on the hand as they pour themselves out to you about their terrible partner then snap to attention as your drill seargent iPhone/Android/Blackberry jumps to life. And is it not the most callous to deride someone who has lost their job and decry them for enjoying a respite from the fucked up rat race we call “the work/life balance” as if it was something we should learn to master and even embrace rather than shun because why would I want to master something that causes me to force-feed myself torpor and sameness in equal amounts as I do joy, adventure, excitement and love.

So tell me now, dear reader, are my comment callous? Or might jortz just save us all. Might the freedom to shun the absurdities of society we had accepted like lambs save us from imminent auto-extinction? Should we not examine our jobs, our communication habits, our voting habits, our purchasing habits, our ism’s?

Happy 50th Anniversary of The March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, (and here) everyone. Keep dreaming. Keep hoping. Keep the paralytic cynics at bay who quash your naive and beautiful dreams for they would never, ever dare to attempt what you yearn for.

Wear jortz.

-Sometime Classy

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JORTZ! JORTZ! JORTZ!

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