Turn and face the sun my brilliant flower children and give thanks for the mud, thanks for the use of your legs and thanks for the wonderful friends you meet on bikes. This year brings change to the Jortz HQ, expected and not.
First and foremost it is with a pained smile that we bid adieu to one of our sunniest, most positive Jortzess, Money$Maker aka Vanessa Christie. We have been so so super stoked to race and rabble with Vanessa for the past two years. V$ really brought the Canuck to just about everything she did and really showed us what it was to rock the denim onesie. To Vanessa’s future teammates, I say, “you take care of her goddamit, you. take. care.” Our glutenfree angel has hilariously joined the Vive Le Tart team where she will hopefully teach them how to enjoy the wonders of GF pies and pastries. Vanessa really wore the shit outta her jortz and we can’t wait to see her this season in some slinky-ass spandex, slinging her signature photogenic-as-fuck smile.
But no matter how pro you go girl, never forget, once a Jortz, always a Jortz.
Oh what the?!… Yes sirs and ma’ams. You heard it already probably, but if not then you heard it here first, the queen badass herself, MILF just got double MILF’ed! Howsa’who?!
ROMANY HAD A BABY! The rowing machine turned pedal smasher has cooked up a very sweet and healthy baby girl. I for one, am incredibly suprised that she isn’t swaddled in jortz. A overlooked detail in the frenzy of the birthing process I’m sure. Team Jortz is overjoyed at the new addition to the team, never in our history has someone been born onto the team. But HEY! We play fair, we’ll make her drink apple juice from the boot just like everyone else before she gets a spot on the squad. (oh please let her love bikes, please let her love bikes, please let her love bikes!) But really, we are so super-duper, very, happy for Romany, Igor and Finn on the arrival of their new gurgling, cooing, poop-matic, family member, “she-who-has-yet-to-be-named.” CONGRATULATIONS!!!
What does this mean for Team Jortz? It means we’re stoked as all get out for our friends, that’s what it means!!!!
So, happy day, y’all. Now let’s go ride bikes.