The Hair Styles of Cross: the Katie Compton

If you’re of the lengthy-tressed and you race cross, the chances are high that you have spent some time figuring out what the fuck to do with your hair. If you race cross, chances are also high that you don’t give a fuck what your hair does.

However, the jort formerly known as SYB, has a clear favorite: the “Katie Compton.” The KfC is achieved by banding your hair in a ponytail, then putting two or three more bands around the center and bottom of the ponytail. The multiple bands keep the hair in check, in check again and then in check AGAIN! What results is no hair flying into your eyes, sticking to your sweaty neck or creeping into your mouth. Gross. Also, it helps minimize the amount of crud then gets into your hair and keeps gnarly knots from developing due to whipping in the wind because of course, you’re crushing the course. When you’re done with your races, VOILA, the KfC can be left in place and you’re ready for prime-heckle-time and booty hand-ups galore!

Boom.

An appropriately attired and coiffed jortz formerly known as SYB. photo by Jon Suzuki

An appropriately attired and coiffed jort formerly known as SYB. photo by Jon Suzuki

Unfortunately not everyone is able to don the KfC. Your hair should be unnecessarily thick, curly or atleast two feet long.

Por ejemplo:

Both TJFKaSYB and this dude who works at the Missing Link are sporting the KfC. I’d recommend to the dude to throw another band on the bottom and he’d be total jortz material. If you have thin hair the KfC will work but you may find your tresses better suited for the Ellen Noble

(nee Mo Bruno Roy).

***It should be noted that I find Mo Bruno Roy’s New England accent adorable and hilarious. I watch this video whenever I’m sad and want to feel like it’s all going to be okay.

While donning the KfC, one should always prostrate themselves on the ground facing in the direction of Colorado, where Katie lives and chant “this year is the year” or “World Champ in 2015” to pay homage to the great one and help her realize the dream that has so painfully eluded her.

We stand with you and your immaculately tamed hair, Katie!

Find this photo here!

 

Cross is coming.

-/SK/

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JORTZ! JORTZ! JORTZ!

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