KYTR #3: the dirty Baptism.

Okay, okay, I know, it’s late but trust me, worth the wait. (If I can be so cliche. And I know, I can.) The third in an undetermined series of ladies only, ‘Know Your Trail’ rides happened this past September 14th. And let me tell you folks, it was glorious.

Reason? We had a whopping number of ladies show up for this one. Probably because the weather was fucking perfect and there weren’t any other races happening that day, but mostly because ladies know that if you wanna know your trails in the East Bay, the Team Jortz sponsored Know Your Trails ride, is the ride to be on!

Just look at all these ladies, milling about, waiting for the dirty goodness to begin!

A fine group of card carrying members of the ‘vagina having-woman identifying’ class showed up, almost a full Jortz complement, many Team Jortz hopefuls, and some friends who just wanna shredd. It was a beautiful thing. The one and only Blue Baller, pictured above has been the mastermind behind these trail rides and gets so stoked to rip trails with newbies and seasoned pros alike. All thanks should go to BB for being the motivational force that makes these sweet get-togethers happen. Good lookin’ out BB. Also, good lookin’.

Once the MILF-shake triumphantly arrived on bike, in lycra and sweating bullets, we rolled up to the ridge to begin our ride. For the record, if you just had a baby six weeks ago and committed to go on a ride and you’re running late because your new life with a newborn has made time and memory a little, shall we say, transmutable, but you call and are on your way but FUCKING GODDAMMIT YOU GOT THE HUBBY TO WATCH THE BUBBY AND YOU WANT TO RIDE! Of course we will wait for you. No. Problem.

The group that we rode with that day couldn’t have made me more stoked. As you all know, we had a call for new members on the Jortz Squad and invited hopeful riders to come to KYTR#3, meet, greet and ride so as to make sure they knew what to do with this sort of thing. Technically, we’re not a drinking team with a racing problem, but we do know what to do with frosty cans, COOZ UP! We also, wanted to know peeps comfort level, how far they were able to push themselves and if they were fucking friendly and shit. No roadie shit.

I’m stoked to say, everyone was hella nice. Peeps gleefully got outta their comfort zone. Dirt newbs came to touch their toes in the filthy pool to see what this whole soil-based riding was all about (a dirty baptism, if you will) And dusty sock lines were acquired.


Laura Schiedwind demonstrates. It bears noting that Schniedwind was not trying to join Team Jortz. Laura races on team Vive Le Tarte, a team which is like a sister to team Jortz, only they wear lycra kits and we wear sweaters and cutoffs. The ethic is similar though, thanks to recent acquisition, Vanessa nee Money$Maker.

Midway through the ride, we had a special suprise, Pamela Palma showed up to take some sweet action shots of ladies on bikes in the dirt. What reseulted was quite possibly one of the best group photos I’ve seen in a while.

Photo by Pamela Palma

Photo by Pamela Palma

Daaaaaw! We had lost Lena, Remy and Mary at this point to prior commitments but we were glad they made the effort to join us for a bit! If you want to see more of Pamela’s amazing photos, check out her professional website, her Facebook page or follow her Instagram account! I even got a glamour shot, crazy boobs and all!

The ride was really very great, with ladies peeling off along the way to their various Saturday activities. We continued along the fireroads and trails and soaked in the dust and dirt. Until we finished down at Lake Merritt for the Love our Lake Day festivities where we loved the hell outta that lake and drank Tecate tall cans in coozies, just like any self-respecting Bay Area urbanite would on such a fine and glorious Saturday.


Do YOU want to join the next Know Your Trail ride?! You’re in luck, there’s one happening tomorrow! So come, bring a friend and know your trails…. biblically.

Be warned, this one starts at 9:00AM, same place though: Cole Coffee in Oakland.

Clickity-clickity-coo for the facebook event:





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